Here’s a song/poem I wrote to deal with everything I’ve been facing with lately. I don’t even know what to call it. So I’ll pick something random from it.

I wrote this back in June when it seemed like I was getting hit from every angle. It was one thing after another after another, and my spirit and soul were bruised. The Bible says that God won’t allow to go through more than you can handle, but it doesn’t say He will always give that limit a lot of margin. If you’ve read my post on weeping then this post will make a little more sense. This is fairly dark song/poem, but I hope you’ll grasp the sense of resolve and hope sprinkled in there. Like I said, I wrote this when more wrong than right was happening in my life, and things seemed pretty bleak. Even still, I am extremely thankful for the circumstances in my life right now, because I know that it’s sharpening me into the man I really want to be.

Difficult yes. Worth it? Oh yeah.

Death of my Vine

can you turn that down
cause i can hardly think to
sift through all those piles
of pain and anger on the floor
and my heart is open wide
but closes with each incision scar
and i don’t know
how much longer it’ll hold

so where are You?
and why are You so silent?
when all I wanna hear
is that I’m doing what You’ve told
and that there’s a reason for these troubles
that I will someday soon believe in
but for now it’s hard
to be peaceful in these storms

the death of my vine is a hard thing to deal with
when especially this time, I put in so much care
and yeah You made it happen,
but I sure as hell worked hard to keep it
and though there’s nothing wrong with anger,
it’s this bitterness that bothers me

and you have put me in this cave, and covered it with Your hand
but now it’s so dark in here, and I don’t know where to go

and all You seem to do is tell me not to lose heart
but I’ve been fighting it for years now
and my strength is giving ‘way
weathering the blows, my soul is growing weary
from the constant state of hope that light is just around the bend

I’m not looking for my american dream or an easy life because of You
but my heart could use a little relief from all the pain that You allow me through
and though my heart grows weary with every scar and disappointment
I will never again turn away from You, but I need to feel You there,

cause I know that You are there

so where are You?
and why are You so silent?
I’m still resolved to You
no matter what I go through
It’s just hard
to face trial after trial when
i’m still sore from the last refining fire