I’ve got to admit, I struggled somewhat with TrueFaced, but I don’t think it was entirely the book’s fault. Part of it was the time I had to read it was disjointed and disconnected, leaving my overall flow of the book in the same state. The other part though, was that I have just come out of a tough season of my life where I learned a lot of the values this book presents the hard way. I’ve already come to a place in my life where I no longer cared how I looked, I no longer cared if God or others around me saw my true face. It was the healing of my faith. I had spent much of my life with my mask on, presenting a desirable Christianity that didn’t show any of my flaws. Once I embraced my true face and stopped hiding it, God decided to use it through the ticket he gave me, art.

There was one thing, however, that really jumped out at me as a weakness of mine. I’ve been realizing it slowly, but I finally put some concrete thoughts around it. Chapter 4, which talks about Love, really hit me hard. I expected a chapter about how when we love others, we heal, but instead I got a chapter teaching me how to be loved. Honestly, I really struggle with this. “We haven’t learned the fine art of receiving love.” I tend to see my needs as weaknesses, which would just burden other people. But they write on page 86, “Needs give us the capacity to feel loved.” Then on the next page, “Sadly, if we cannot identify our needs, we cannot know love. If we deny we have needs, we will not experience love. If we withhold our needs, we can’t receive the love others have for us. And if we don’t know love, we’ll be stuck with open wounds that will not heal.”

I have a hard time allowing myself to be loved – I don’t obviously push people away, but I isolate myself and accomplish the same. When people do try to meet my needs, I feel I need to earn or pay for their help/love. I don’t want to be a burden. I fear getting too involved with people and I think deep down I don’t believe I deserve their love for some reason. This shows I still tend to visit the Room of Good Intentions from time to time. I am continually learning to be more open with people, and allowing people to love me. It’s uncomfortable and humbling, but God’s way of reminding me that I’m small, and He’s really, really big.